It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
