Moan for me like Helen Keller
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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