Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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