All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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