You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
