i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
