Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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