But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
