i was born a porn star she said
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
