dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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