I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
