I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
