atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't EVER smell your tampon
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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