Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
