so explain again why im purple
no
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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