You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
