I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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