Need sex. Gaining weight.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
