watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
