I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
