i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
