I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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