if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
