I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
