She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
