I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
