i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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