i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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