Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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