brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
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