The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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