I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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