Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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