True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
The air was thick with penises
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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