she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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