I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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