were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
