You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
