You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize