I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
