Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
