It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
