tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
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