yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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