Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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