I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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