What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
