Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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