he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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