yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I party with great urgency now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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