I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
All I want is dick and wine.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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