Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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