im holly from the hills drunk
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
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A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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