So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
