i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
