At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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