Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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