Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I'm always down for nudity.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
