I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Randomize
